It's Not A Big Deal, But It Is

Have you ever had a thought and believed it wasn't a big deal? What if you dissected that thought and realized, that maybe there's something worth questioning?

April 29th in New York was the last decent nice weather we had since the week leading to Easter. So naturally, I took advantage. I honestly had no plans to do anything that day, but it was bright out and I could feel the weather getting warmer, so to the Botanical Gardens I go.
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Every year the Bronx Botanical Gardens has an Orchid Show that runs for about two months starting in late February. You see Orchids of all colors and vibrancy and this year was great as always.

I decided to do something that I had never been able to do before. I decided to walk the entire grounds of the Garden. I don't know why I never walked the area before, but it was amazing. Actually, I do know why I never walked the entire grounds of the Garden. It's because I was with people who treated the experience like a school trip and felt bothered. Seriously, how are you annoyed? Flowers are in bloom. There is no cloud in the sky. The sun is shining as bright as can be. There is no existence of the outside world in this grand pocket section of the Bronx. You have the opportunity to let your mind wander and just be and you're annoyed?

I have always gone to places by myself (ie: movies, shopping, events). It's less stressful that way. There is nothing wrong with doing activities by yourself. It's looked at as something weird like something has to be wrong with you to just go about your business somewhere and have fun. Alone. It's not a big deal, but it is.

​To be able to go to the movies or eat out is less aggravating when it's only you in attendance. There is no consideration for others when it comes to dietary needs, planning, and people's enjoyment. Best of all NO FUCKING DRAMA. I understand the sense of togetherness when going out with friends.

• You're enjoying each other's company.
• There are memories involved.

There's also trouble when trying to hang out with others. I will admit, that it feels awkward to do certain things alone, but that feeling quickly disappears. I went to a Kaleo concert alone and it was awesome. I met people who were obviously fans of the band, but to similar bands and other genres of music. I've been to Comic-Con alone. To do that alone is great because I'm not worried about:

•  parties showing up on time
• what panels to go next
• arranging meet up spots

Doing things alone grants you "me" time. Time to evaluate who you are as a person. Time to be alone with your thoughts. Time to do or see what you want and enjoy it.

While walking the grounds, I stopped by a mini waterfall in the Thain Family Forest where two women were having a funny conversation. One of the women had a partner who barely chipped in on household duties and other things and she went on to say "It's not a big a deal, but like it is." I couldn't help but laugh at the conversation and they agreed it was funny and invited me to their chat.

​The conversation grew further into a topic of race (as I'm writing this I feel like I'm in a Blackish episode where everything relays to race somehow). One of the women mentioned how she saw flesh-tone band-aids at Walmart or Target, thinking it wasn't a big deal, but quickly realizing it was. 
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During the pandemic, we were bombarded by a slew of issues. 

The pandemic made us truly think about what was happening around us. We had no choice. We were locked in. I remember seeing the Johnson & Johnson and Crayola flesh tone news on my Instagram feed and thinking "Okay". No true emotion, just deadpan. Then it crept back into my mind rather aggressively and I started thinking, "The fuck? How was this not a thought?" 
Side note: Johnson & Johnson originally launched band aids in multiple colors in 2005, but quickly became discontinued.
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It makes complete sense. Now the concept of the product changes from "I just need something to stop the bleeding" to "Oh snap, it stops the bleeding and matches my skin tone? No one will tell that I hurt myself." Same for coloring. If you were not lucky enough to have the 120 count Crayola Crayon box set and you wanted to color the little girl surrounded by puppies and flowers a person of color, the only options you had was brown, peach, black and apricot. Even with the 120 count, it was still wrong. The characters didn't look like anyone.
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We  have these cavalier thoughts that we label as non-important, but maybe we should consider examining those thoughts further.